Congress Passes ‘CIFAF’ Bill in Dead of Night on April 1

In an apparent effort to avoid debate, the House of Representatives and Senate both passed the “Comprehensive Immigration Reform April Fools” bill, or CIRAF, not to be confused with GIRAFFE (and pronounced “Siraf,” which is often followed by Gesundheit). On April 1, 2011, the bill was passed in a whirlwind late-night session fueled by Hawaiian pizza and Kenyan kabobs. Afterwards, various members of Congress fanned out across the District of Columbia searching for bars to hit, either to celebrate or to brace themselves for the ensuing public reaction, which was expected to be pretty intense.

The new bill basically lets everyone in, then kicks them all out within 30 days. “This bill achieves the right balance between enforcement and benefits,” President Barack Obama said. “There is something for everyone in this legislation and therefore nobody should get mad at me. I am really a very nice guy,” he noted, flashing his trademark smile. The President added that he would sign the bill just as soon as he is able to verify the U.S. citizenship of each member of Congress via an original birth certificate. Certified copies have been deemed unacceptable as proof of citizenship.

Joe the Plumber, the current favorite for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination, was unavailable for comment. Drudgereport.com reported a rumor that he was stuck in detention after a short trip to Arizona, after which he was stopped for being “foreign-looking.”